Meditation; the struggle is real

Five days ago I began a twice daily meditation practice.

I started with 12 minutes twice a day and I have increased to 15 minutes twice daily…sometimes.

So farm I have managed to meditate twice a day…but not always for 15 minutes ha!

At minimum I’m sticking to twelve. But damn is this hard.

THE GOAL::

meditate twice daily for 30 minutes.

THE PAST ::

In the past, I used to be an avid, religious meditator. I had a very regular morning Sadhana (Sadhana is your daily spiritual practice. )

I woke up at 4 am every day. I meditated for 30-60 minutes and then I did yoga for 60-90 minutes.

I was working at a kundalini yoga studio circa 2009 and that was my life. I lived for mornings before the sun came up and I loved my meditation time and experiences. I was involved with a very close-knit community, there was an entire morning crew of people who showed up every day and made meditation magic.

I moved away and struggled to find my community for a while. I stopped meditation and yoga in general and became so depressed and isolated and lonely… I attempted to do little bits of it all on my own, but nothing serious or regular or consistent.

Then I found tara Stiles on YouTube and felt like holy shit this is awesome and I am going to do this every day. Started with the ten minutes, then built up to an hour each day again of yoga and meditation.

time passed & I was feeling good.

Then life happened again, this time is was traumatic…literally life changing, and I threw yoga and meditation to the wind. Again. Said fuck it and went about “healing” in a very unhealthy manner.

Then I discovered a yoga teacher training in town, and during my training I found that spark again & a community in the process.

Since then I haven’t kicked my yoga practice aside… but I’ve let meditation slip through my grasp again.

NOW ::

Having realized that I need stillness, quiet, calm and serene moments, aside from just my moving meditative physical practice, I am committing to 30 days. And 60 days. And 90 days to build and reestablish a meditation practice

And it’s pretty amazing how at one point an hour of stillness felt effortless.

And now 12 minutes is killing me.

Back to square one.

Most days, I can barely find a moment of peace and quiet within the confinements of my own head in 12 minutes…but I felt a bit of progress today. 15 minutes and I found some stillness and peace…I’ll take what I can get at this point.

So five days deep and the struggle is real friends. But I will say, I look forward to trying to meditate. And I’m enjoying that

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